Stake Land (2010) Quality Over Quantity

Everyone knows I love me some infection horror, from Dawn Of The Dead to the [REC] series.  I know that technically, vampire movies can be classified as "infection horror."  One bite (or more, depending on the mythos) from a vampire and it's all over, much like a bite from the undead.  Vampire flicks, though, are usually lumped into their own genre, a rich, traditional genre that has its roots in the forever-creepy Nosferatu and has been somewhat co-opted by the Movie-Franchise-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named-But-Has-Sparkly-Bloodsuckers, which dilutes the potent potion with a strong history behind it.

Stake Land made me love the genre all over again.

From the people who brought you the underrated Mulberry Street comes this truly creative and compelling take on a world decimated by a vampiric plague.  Director Jim Mickle and co-writer Nick Damici took a small budget and loads of passion, mixed it up in a big bucket marked "good stuff," and threw it on film as Stake Land.

It goes something like this:  It's a world where vampires have taken over.  Considered a plague, it spreads fast, causing people to become mindless, blood-craving killers.  No one knows how it started, and much like George A. Romero's Dead movies, the origin is left a mystery.  Fine by me, since the origin's not the story here.  We are introduced to Martin (Connor Paolo), a teenage boy preparing to escape with his family.  When he witnesses them all - mother, father, and infant sibling - slaughtered by a vampire, he's saved by one bad-ass vampire killer simply known as Mister (Damici).  Mister takes Martin under his wing as they battle their way towards New Eden, a supposed vampire-free area in Canada.  Along the way, they run afoul of the dangerous, militant religious nutjobs called The Brotherhood, led by Jebedia (Michael Cerveris of Fringe).  See, Mister rescues a nun from what turns out to be Jebedia's son and a buddy, and Mister tends to play for keeps, human or vampire.  The nun, known as Sister (Kelly McGillis of Top Gun), joins them on their journey before they're set upon for the first time by The Brotherhood.  Eventually, Martin and Mister reunite and meet a couple more friends along the way, the pregnant Belle (Danielle Harris of the Halloween films) and former Marine Willy (Sean Nelson).  Sister rejoins them, and it seems like the perfect family unit, heading straight for the border.

But it's never that easy.

Not everyone is safe, not even ones who traditionally are safe in movies like this.  In one of the most well-done and heartbreaking scenes, you're witness to just how far The Brotherhood will go to not only get to Mister, but simply sow terror and fear, something they'd apparently done on a large scale.  It's during a moment of rest, of happiness, in an idyllic militia-protected town that The Brotherhood does the unthinkable, and something entirely original:  they airdrop vampires.  Airdrop.  Vampires.  Yeah, that's right.  Think about it.  A simple night of neighborly goodwill, toe-tapping music, and most of all, rest for our by-now beloved characters.  Then it happens.  It happens and in the short time for the carnage to unfold, you really want to get your hands around the necks of The Brotherhood.  It's chilling, and it breaks your heart.

So who makes it to New Eden?  What happens in the cold hills just miles away from this alleged haven?

I'm not going to spoil it for you.  The ending is ambiguous, as it should be.  No one is truly safe in the reality of Stake Land.  It's an ending that makes sense and even though it is left open to what happens to the remaining characters, it doesn't leave you saying, "Whaaaat?"  It ends, but only the way you believe it ends as the credits roll.

The acting is wonderfully sound.  Only Jebedia is portrayed a little over-the-top, but he's an effective villain nonetheless:  you WANT to hate this religious fanatic.  And you do.  Damici is grizzled and understated, no-nonsense in his role, and much like his character Clutch in Mulberry Street, he's someone for whom you can really cheer.  Paolo is fantastic as Martin, a young boy thrust into becoming a man in the worst possible environment.  He's both tough and awkward, vulnerable and still possessed of great inner strength.  I cannot take away from the others in the group, as Harris is immensely sympathetic as the young mother-to-be and Nelson is solid as the ex-Marine.  McGillis is a real standout, as the nun struggling with traditional faith and the new necessities of the world.

Like all great infection horror works, the characters are the focus, but there is an underlying theme tying them together.  A theme of faith rings both loudly and subtly through the film.  The Brotherhood represents the current state of "mob religion" in the world, people who would use faith as a weapon or an excuse to hate.  Look around.  It's everywhere you look today.  The traveling band of heroes represent the true, inner faith of people who only want to survive and only want to do good for each other and themselves.  The Brotherhood are those loudmouth, ignorant people who demand you think they way they do, like those Westboro nutjobs.  The heroes are that pastor who greets others at the door of his modest church with a friendly "all are welcome."

Also, let me get one thing perfectly straight:  the similarities between Stake Land and the wonderful Zombieland end with the names.  I've heard people say, "oh, so it's Zombieland with vampires."  No.  It is not.  Stake Land  has not a lick of comedy in it.  The world is bleak, it is dying, and it will never be the same.  Don't let the title throw you off in the slightest.  We're talking two different movies here.

Stake Land might be hard to find at the moment.  It's not playing on that many screens, although check your on-demand features with your local cable company.  That's how I saw it.  It's well worth the hunt and it stands head and shoulders above most big-budget horror fare in that it's an honest, passionate, creative movie.  One that actually tells a tried and true story (getting safely from point A to point B) without a hint of stagnation.

Well, I've gushed enough for now.  Go judge for yourself, and I sincerely hope you find it as fulfilling an experience as I did.  If you don't like it...oh, well.  I won't hold it against you.

Until next time, dear readers, don't stay out when the sun goes down.  It might be a little bitey out tonight.

Now enjoy the trailer...

Tooth And Nail (2007) You Lost Me At The Setup

Even the most outlandish post-apocalyptic story needs a believable setup. You can get drawn in by Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later because how does the apocalypse happen? Sickness. The sickness may not really exist, but we as viewers can buy that a disease can spread quickly through bites or bodily fluids. Sometimes war is the reason the world ends. Civil unrest. Natural disaster. Those reasons move forward quickly and leave little room for escape. For the most part, they don't make you scratch your noggin and say, "wait, what?"

In the film Tooth And Nail, the world ends because it runs out of gas. Try to wrap your mind around that. Runs out of gas. It's assumed that the whole world will grab their collective heads and start screaming like escaped lunatics. Running out of gas just seems to me like too slow of a burn to create a dystopian landscape and normal people reverting to wanton cannibalism. Yeah, I know, Dawn of the Dead is cannibal city, but as I said before: it's a sickness that's quickly and logically spread.

I couldn't get past the "no gas" thing. Even with a pretty decent cast and the basically good premise of survival of the fittest, Tooth And Nail couldn't hold my interest for long periods of time. It had its moments, believe me. It wasn't a total lost cause, but it remains largely forgettable. Still, let's jump into the synopsis:

A group of survivors called Foragers chase off a nasty fellow (Vinnie Jones) after discovering him slitting some poor sap's throat. They rescue a woman, Neon (Rachel Miner) and take her back to the abandoned hospital where they've been living with a group led by Professor Darwin (Robert Carradine) who for once was not being pursued by this guy:



No, the Rovers of the movie looked more like Vinnie here:



The Foragers are split on whether they should keep Neon around, but realize they're still human at least. One of the Foragers, a tough guy called Viper (Michael Kelly) storms off. During the night, a Rover sneaks in and slits the throat of the Lambda Lambda Lambda alumnus before dragging him off to an unknown, but likely fire-roasted, fate. The Foragers argue about whether or not Neon had anything to do with it but pretty much decide she didn't.

Meanwhile, outside, Yukon (Zach Robidas) searches for the Professor out on the tennis courts. C'mon, Yukon, you know those nerds don't play tennis! To show him the error of his ways, a gang of Rovers attacks him, wounding him before he gets away and back into the hospital. He doesn't get far before he's hacked up by Jackal (Michael Madsen, who also produced).

The Foragers survive this round, but still aren't the most trusting of Neon. She's met them before, telling her story of escape after the Rovers attacked her group of twenty in a grocery store. The Foragers, now led by Dakota, decide to try and escape during the night. That's all fine and good, but the Rovers are still hungry. See, they're cannibals. They're not just mean guys or members of Alpha Beta. OK, that's the last Revenge of the Nerds reference. I've gone to the well too many times with that one.

Most of the Foragers do a decent job of hiding, except for skinny Max, who is hacked up and dragged off. Jackal almost gets a hold of Dakota, but mute little Nova shoots him and - I think - kills him. I think we're supposed to assume he's dead. I don't know.

Somewhere else, after some naughty action together, Ford (Rider Strong) and Torino (Alexandra Barreto) run afoul of some Rovers before a distant trumpet calls off the hunters. Since when are there rules in an anarchic, post-apocalyptic gang? Oh, well. Maybe it adds to their cruel nature. Ford takes a nasty wound to the leg and has to be fixed up by Dakota.

Dakota and Neon argue about who should be leading the group, and that's when Neon shows her true colors: she's a Rover. Not only that, she's apparently the leader. She clocks Dakota and shoots Torino before taking her rival to Rover headquarters. They lock her away and return to the hospital to fetch the others. Just in time for a rescue is Viper, who shows his bad-ass Hawkeye (of Marvel Comics' Avengers) side a few times before taking a spear in the back during a rescue attempt at the hospital.

Nova hides from a pursuing Mongrel before tricking him into an old walk-in freezer and locking him inside. Dakota finds Torino dead, having bled out from her gunshot wound, and Ford, who's in no condition to go anywhere. She gives him some pain killers and sets out to find Nova. She finds the girl, but Neon shows up to ruin the fun and there's a standoff. Neon leaves Dakota to a fellow Rover, but Dakota gets crazy on the guy and throws acid in his face. Dakota's had enough and joins KISS to get her revenge:

The Rovers are living high on the hog, or rather the cooked carcasses of Ford and Torino, but dinner turns out to be pretty heavy. The Rovers start passing out just as Warrior Dakota shows up and methodically slaughters them all, including a pretty impressive shot to Neon's head:

Turns out Dakota gave Ford some pain killers. Turns out she gave him - and Torino - a BUTTLOAD of pain killers. The Rovers ate Pain Killer Pie, pretty much. Dakota gathers up a still-alive Nova and leaves the city to an uncertain future.

Ah, well. The parts were there, but as a whole, Tooth and Nail just didn't whet my appetite for good post-apocalyptic horror. That premise, the one with the "we just all ran out of gas," didn't hold water at all, and weakened the entire plot from the get-go. The cast was really good and despite some early missteps as to creating sympathetic characters, we do eventually care about a few of them. The gore was appropriately heavy, which will please some gore fans, I'm sure. But on the whole, I'd rather spend time with this "Tooth and Nail":




That's right. Dokken, baby!

Well, dear survivors, at least the only cannibals we have to deal with shuffle and groan at a much slower pace. And aren't led by a guy who might break out into a dance to "Stuck In The Middle With You."

Be safe!