In A Movie World With Evil Ghosts? Here Are Must-Have Supplies To (Mostly) Guarantee Your Survival

I'm always going to have a soft spot for the walking dead/shuffling revenant/bitey zombie.  Dawn of the Dead (the 1978 version) is my favorite horror film and Shaun of the Dead is one of my all-time favorites in any genre.  I won't dispute that zombie movies have become a bit "played out," but I don't ever want them to go away.  When the nice people at Man Crates - a gifts for men company that delivers a grab bag of goodies in a honest-to-goodness crate - came calling, I was more than happy to answer their challenge:  list a few things one would need in order to survive in a horror film.  Well, naturally, my weird little brain gravitated toward zombies first - a natural reflex, I'd say.  But then I thought I'd try something a little different and go with another subgenre of horror that I love:  the ghost movie.  I'm partial to ghost films from Japan or Korea, but I'm not going to play favorites.  If it's a scary ghost, I'm digging it.

Yeah, ghosts tend to be intangible except when they need to be all angry and poltergeisty.  There's not a lot to do to ultimately protect yourself because hey, you've seen Ringu or Ju-On, right?  Those ghosts are like spooky little juggernauts that spread like viruses or horrific LIVING IDEAS!  Sorry, I've been reading a lot of Grant Morrison again.  Hopefully, what I can impart to you might save you if your buddy tells you to "watch this cursed tape" or "let's move into a cursed house."

A powerful flashlight - Hey, kids, light up a dark room before going in!  Confuse the ghosts!  Never not know where you're going!  You walk into a room and you can't see everything?  Stand in the doorway, hit the mini-floodlight in your hand, and do a complete sweep.  Look at the ceiling to see if there is any splashes of blood or hair hovering up there.  Check under any furniture.  Look in the corners twice.  Then maybe go in.

Research notes - Provided you aren't in a ghostly place by accident, do a little research about the history.  Home of a former serial killer who took the term "asshat" a little too literally?  Find out.  You'll need to know these things.

Super-lost in Grave Encounters.

Blueprints - This really only applies if you know the haunted house you're going into.  Get a floor plan and map out an escape route.  Prop the front door open in case there are bars on the window.  Clear the hallways as you go.  Always know where you are.  Yeah, I know that some houses might end up like the endless hallways of the asylum in Grave Encounters.  If that happens, you can use the blueprints to cry into.

Mirror - Give that ghost a taste of its own medicine.  Who knows, maybe they need to face facts and realize they're scaring the bejeezus out of everyone.

More than one cellphone - Oh, no, the cellphone you're using just cut out?  The ghost struts off triumphantly, warming up for an escalating series of scares, not knowing you have a backup in your pocket.  Call for help and power-walk to the front door.

Attitude - Even if you're the nicest person in the world, develop a tough attitude that tells the ghost you're not going to be that easy.  I'm not saying be a douche.  Douches tend to meet rather unsightly ends in these movies.  I'm saying laugh at the ghost, be sarcastic ("Oooo, I'm so terrified!"), give the specter the middle finger with both barrels.  It's said that the evil ghosts will feed off fear.  Don't show any.

Anti-attitude - On the flip side, maybe all the ghost needs is some understanding and a hug.  Probably not, though.

Horror film knowledge - I think the most knowledgeable people that could survive a horror film are those who know them inside and out.  It's not a guarantee but they're going to know not to watch that tape or go into that house or party on that grave.  Watch a lot of them and get to know your adversary!

Adult diapers - This should be pretty obvious.

Thank you, Saturday Night Live.

Well, I hope I helped a bit.  You may not have good odds against ghosts and living curses but maybe now you'll have a fighting chance.

Thanks to Man Crates for reaching out to me to have some fun with a list that really got me thinking and also got me wanting to revisit some old favorites.

Time permitting, I'll be back next time with a special Halloween edition!

You're Next (2011) Livin' Up To The Hype

Yep, it was exactly as good as I thought it would be.

The home invasion subgenre of the horror film is extremely hit or miss.  Nice people in a house, bad guys break in, yadda yadda yadda, blood everywhere and maybe one nice person left alive.  It can be a formula, as most films are anyway, but when the filmmakers spice it up with snappy dialogue or strong characters or well-executed twists, it peaks my interest.

You're Next was made in 2011 and made the festival rounds before its wide release in 2013.  Written by Simon Barrett and directed by Adam Wingard, it's a well-paced, energetically creepy whodunnit with one of the best "final girls" in recent memory.

At a remote but opulent seasonal home, Paul and Aubrey Davison (Rob Moran and Barbara Crampton) prepare to welcome their children for an anniversary celebration.  It's a big home, still being renovated, and it makes lots of nice little bumps and creaks.  Crispian Davison (A. J. Bowen) and his Australian girlfriend Erin (Sharni Vinson) make their way to the home, and it's hinted at how dysfunctional the Davison family is.  Erin is happy to make the trip, though.  Once everyone is there, it doesn't take long for the dinner to break down into bickering, passive aggression, accusations, and...oh, yeah, a dinner guest getting a crossbow bolt in his forehead.  From there, it all breaks down as three men in farm animal masks begin picking off the family one by one.  With no leader stepping up, Erin rises to the occasion, trying to keep herself and the remaining family members alive.  And there's definitely more than meets the eye in regards to Erin, and in regards to the entire sticky situation.

The movie will take you on some twisty turns and one crazy-fun ride as you peel back more and more to find out the answers.  Everything fits in this movie, from the writing to the direction to the acting by a great ensemble cast of genre veterans and newcomers.  Bowen and Crampton are horror movie favorites, and the movie features appearances by producer/actor Larry Fessenden (I Sell The Dead), writer Barrett, director Ti West (The House of the Devil, The Inkeepers), and actor/director Joe Swanberg (V/H/S).  It's truly Vinson's movie, however, as she breaks out in her performance as Erin.

Like I said:  definitely a fun ride, and several notches above the usual home-invasion horror/suspense offering.  Fine acting and a truly suspenseful and often a tad gory journey through a night of terror, secrets, and boards with nails in them.

Now, here's the trailer to enjoy...

Plague Town (2008) Sometimes "Rustic" Means "Creepy"

In the world of horror, if someone has some real estate they call "rustic," you might want to reconsider what that word means. For this reality, it might mean a beautiful, ancient home or a quaint village, but open the doors and you'll find deformed mutants whose nighttime games include torture and sadism. Oh, and the villagers aren't much help either. So go ahead and try to sell me "rustic" in a horror world. I'll stay in my zombie- and evil mutant child-proof shelter, thank you very much.

Plague Town is a neat little creeper penned by John Cregan and David Gregory, and directed by Gregory, about an unhappy family (plus one cheeky British hanger-on) getting caught in the backwoods of Ireland and stumbling upon the residents of the title town. Sounds pretty straightforward and The Hills Have Eyes-ish, doesn't it? Yeah, it's pretty similar in tone to that early Wes Craven offering, but Plague Town stands well on its own.

In a prologue, we see that this unnamed town has had some kind of curse on it that causes its newborns to be deformed, ugly little mutants. A priest declares that the children must die as they're born, but one father stands up and murders the priest, declaring the children will live.

Jumping into the story proper, in a largely unsuccessful family bonding outing to Ireland, father Jerry (David Lombard), fiancee Annette (Lindsay Goranson - who looks like a younger Sigourney Weaver to me), mouthy oldest daughter Jessica (Erica Rhodes), brooding younger sister Molly (Josslyn DeCrosta), and aforementioned cheeky British hanger-on Robin (James Warke) leave a tour bus to explore the countryside, but not without having sniping family battles. Jess and Robin wander off to make out somewhere and cause the family to miss the bus. Solution? You guessed it. Find the nearest sign of civilization and call for help. Yeah, that always works.



Wandering down an old road, the group stumbles onto an abandoned French car, but not after Molly sees a grinning face leering out of the woods like the Joker saying a quick hello. The family takes shelter in the car. Robin decides to swagger off to look for help, and Jess runs off to catch up with him. They hear laughing and discover a quaint little home, empty when they enter. After almost engaging in a game of Slap and Tickle, they hear sounds and investigate, finding a strange farmer who makes odd advances at Jess. When Robin tries to defend her, the farmer shoots Robin in the face. Jess runs and hides in the woods.

Hearing the gunshot, dad Jerry storms off into the foggy night to look for his daughter. Instead, he finds the same quaint little home, now occupied by two giggling, freakish little girls who like to play games. Creepy games with sharp objects. Oh, and piano wire, which leads to a pretty impressive little death scene when they wrap the wire around Jerry's head and...well, Jerry flips his lid. Heh. Yeah, just kick me now.

Back at the car, Molly and Annette hear strange noises, but refuse to go off into the woods. Pretty good idea for the time being, but short-lived. Several mutant children viciously attack them. In one of the more disturbing scenes, one of the children bludgeons Annette into oblivion (read: in the face) with a hubcap. Molly escapes and tears off into the woods.

In the meantime, Robin is somehow still alive with a massive wound to the face. A woman finds him and takes him back to her home so he can meet "Rosemary," her grandmother. The old lady makes strange allusions that Robin can't leave and that he's meant to meet Rosemary. Oh, and he does. She's a sprightly young thing and as evil mutant girls with the intent to mate and kill go, she's fairly hot. She also has no eyes, save for the fake ones attached to the lace mask on her face. When Robin rejects her, wanting to go get help, they decide he's not the one for her anymore. Robin barely gets away, but by then, grandma's calling in the mutant troops.




Jess, in the meantime, has been strapped to a tree and whipped with branches by the kids until they hear the old lady's alarm to flush Robin out of the woods. Two strapping young lads stay behind to play Throw The Sickle At The Girl for a while, until Molly appears and rescues her sister. Angry and scared, the girls fight back with a vengeance, slaughtering the two boys.

Eventually, Rosemary catches up with Robin, and has one of her brethren thrust a stick into his neck, finally killing him. They weave sticks into his face and eyes, then hang up him to throw objects at him. Really, rejection is not handled well in Plague Town.



Molly and Jess work their way into town, where they find a pregnant woman who pleads with them to take her away. Jess and Molly are subdued by townsfolk, who extract blood from them, wondering if they'll be "cleansed" this time. In another daring attempt at escape, Molly, Jess, and the pregnant woman nearly make it out of town before they're overwhelmed on a bridge. When Molly awakens, she's in a room with three other young girls and a baby with no eyes. One girl is speaking French, presumably from the car found earlier. One girl explains that she's had numerous babies by the townsfolk, each a mutant. It's with this horrible realization that Molly now knows she's intended to be a brood mare, one of many in an attempt for this town to have "normal children."

Plague Town is very low-budget, but very impressive with what is done with that budget. No fancy special effects here. You get creepy lighting and reliable suspense to support the ghastly images and occasional gore. There are a few missteps with the whole thing, most notably the script. Some of the dialogue is noticeable, and not in the best way. That said, it's pretty easy to overlook the silly phrases and strange word choices - as well as some of the shaky camera work - when the creepiness and great pacing keep drawing you in, and that's fine with me. What also struck me was the wonderful score by Mark Raskin: minimal, surreal, and reminiscent of Akira Yamaoka's work on the Silent Hill games.

It's a straightforward movie, offputting and creepy at all the right moments. Give it a chance, and you may like it as well.

Hopefully, I won't land the ol' chopper in a town like this. Got enough to worry about with the undead all over the place. Take care out there, survivors, and you out there in Ireland, don't go wandering into "rustic areas" without taking an axe, or a gun, or...well, you know.

Carriers (2009) *cough* Uh-Oh

Oh, just the perfect movie to watch when you have a sore throat. A cough comes along and you think, "aw, hell..."

Carriers is a fine little film that sported one of 2009's breakout stars in Chris Pine (the new Captain Kirk in Star Trek) and a familiar face that makes me sigh, Piper Perabo (witness my sighs in my review of The Cave), and it's directed by brothers Alex and David Pastor. Most people who know me know that I - for some macabre reason - loves me my infection horror. The antagonist is usually an unseen enemy - microbe or virus - that turns regular folk into antagonists themselves. That's what lies at the heart of Carriers: the notion that paranoia and mistrust elevate to insane levels when the instinct for survival meets a superflu epidemic.

When the film begins, the country, and possibly the world, is deep in the throes of some kind of virulent superflu. We're introduced to four college-age kids tooling along the back roads of the near-southwest: brash Brian (Pine), his girlfriend Bobby (Perabo), Brian's brother Danny (Lou Taylor Pucci), and Danny's friend Kate (Emily Van Camp of "Brothers And Sisters"). They're on their way to Turtle Beach on the west coast, specifically a place where Brian and Danny spent their summers. As evident in the choppy home movie clips that start the film, it's place that holds a special place in their hearts. There, they plan to wait out the epidemic.

The back roads are smooth until they come across a desperate father, Frank (Christopher Meloni) and his sick daughter Jodie (Kiernan Shipka, who plays Sally Draper on "Mad Men"). Frank just wants some gas to get his daughter to a school in a nearby town where it's rumored a cure has been found. Brian doesn't trust him, citing his "survival rules," and tries to gun it past him, only to smash up the oil pan. Hanging their surgically-masked heads in shame, the quartet is forced to march back to Frank and Jodie to ask for their help. A compromise is reached by sealing off the very back of the SUV with plastic, keeping Jodie's sickness contained.

They reach the school and discover to their horror that no cure has been found. The serum staved off the sickness for three days, but that was about it. The doctor (Mark Moses, Duck on "Mad Men") is providing euthanasia punch to the children there, saying one of the heaviest lines of dialogue in the movie: "Sometimes choosing life is just choosing a more painful death." Despite Frank's pleas, the doctor slowly goes about his grim duty.

Meanwhile, outside in the SUV, Bobby has been babysitting the weak Jodie. When Jodie begins choking, Bobby goes against the rules and opens the plastic to help her. Good motive, bad move. Jodie coughs a spatter of blood into Bobby's face and the realization is instant. The look on Bobby's face tells it all: infected. Her basic survival instinct kicking in, Bobby tries to cover it up, hiding all evidence of what just happened.

In one of the saddest scenes of the movie, I thought, a defeated Frank escorts his daughter to a bathroom, knowing full well that they will be left behind by the others. He expects it and even accepts it. He engages Jodie in a rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" as the others leave them to their fate.

Trying to find a place to sleep and maybe relax, the four find a golf resort and, after a close call with a haz-mat-suited corpse in the pool, decide to have a little fun on the course. Smashing windows with long drives, it's revealed to the viewer that the resort is already spoken for, as one of the rooms is prepped for paranoid living. Could this just be the room of the corpse in the pool? Not if the radio calling for him is any indication. Outside, Bobby remains distant, but panics when Brian forces a kiss on her.

And now a picture of Piper Perabo, because I said so.

Mr. Pool Corpse's buddies return and track down the four, and there's a standoff. Tensions flare when one of the survivalists tells the girls to strip and that they're staying while they'll let the guys leave. Kind of like in 28 Days Later, this isn't looking good. Suddenly, everyone panics. Bobby, her shirt off now, shows signs of infection with rashes and bruises on her left side. The survivalists demand they all leave now, so the quartet hurries into the SUV and they're gone.

It's not a happy escape, though, as you might guess. No one wants to talk about the fart in the car, so to speak. Hell, they're even hanging their heads out the window. At an abandoned gas station, the situation is finally addressed. Danny and Kate talk about it, but Brian is the one who goes through with it, pulling Bobby from the vehicle and leaving her behind. The sight of Bobby weeping hysterically in the middle of the road as she shrinks from view is utterly heartbreaking.

The whole experience sets Brian off the deep end. He's withdrawn and morose, and really, who can blame him? But he really takes the crazy cake when he cuts off another survivor's car, practically causing an accident. Danny tries the peaceful route, pleading with them to help him "and his pregnant wife." Brian coldly shoots the driver and engages the passenger in a short gun battle, killing her after being wounded in the leg. Remember, dear readers: no hospitals.

Stopping at a boarded-up farmhouse, Danny slips inside for medical supplies and is greeted by two corpses, one of which is being dined upon by the family German shepherd. Danny is forced to kill the dog when it lunges for him, but he manages to pick up some pain pills for Brian. When he asks Brian to see the wound so he can assess the damage, the real damage is evident: Brian is infected. Rashes run up and down his legs.

Later, during a rest stop, Kate convinces Danny that they should leave the delirious and dying Brian behind. Brian isn't going down without a fight, though. He reveals he has been doing all the dirty work - starting with abandoning the sick parents Danny thought were already dead. And now, he holds the keys - literally - to Danny and Kate's escape. His sad duty finally clear, Danny shoots and kills his own brother.

Danny and Kate silently drive the rest of the way to Turtle Beach, but it's not a cheery drive full of show tunes and games of Punch Bug. The beach hotel that held so many memories and symbolized hope is now just an old motel, abandoned by the disease. You'd think maybe Danny and Kate would grow closer, but there's no indication of this. In fact, Danny muses on facing his future "truly alone," as we're treated to old home movies of he and Brian during happier times.

It's a well-acted, grim movie, the darker mirror image of the same year's comedic apocalypse film Zombieland. There's traveling and a set of rules to live by, but there aren't any laughs in Carriers. It's the dark side of what we are, animals just trying to survive. Look at the German shepherd in the movie. Probably a devoted pet at one time, but forced by hunger and desperation to feed on its own owner, lying long dead in the bed. So that begs the big question:

What would you do to survive?

Seriously, what would you do? Would you be peaceful negotiator or violent taker? Would you be loyal to your friends, or would you drop them in a second to save yourself? What would you really do?

Therein lies the real mystery. And the real horror.

But remember, my dear fellow survivors, there's always a party in my shelter...just don't get so drunk you wander outside the gate. You know what's out there.

Ils a.k.a. Them (2006) Including My Love For A Good Burger

I'm not all zombies and ghosts. So, when I asked Andre Dumas, author of the fantastic horror blog The Horror Digest (see, another shout-out!), to recommend to me some French horror films when I wanted to watch something a little different, she gave me the titles of four offerings. Martyrs was the first. The one I'm about to present was the second. Once again, I was not steered wrong.

A little symbolic segue: back when I lived in Michigan, there was a nearby town called Suttons Bay. In that little hamlet was a restaurant called Boone's Prime Time Pub, and in that restaurant were the absolute best hamburgers known to man. You know when you have the best burger known to man, and then eat burgers that are really good, you still compare them to the BBKTM? For me, Martyrs was that best burger, and Ils (referred to in here by its English name, Them) is that really great burger that gets compared to the original. Long segue, I know, but I'm hungry and burgers are always on my mind.

But, to compare it to Martyrs is really doing it an injustice. Them is an entirely different movie about an entirely different story. It's deftly directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud, and stars two quite beautiful people in Olivia Bonamy and Michael Cohen. These two could easily be lead actors in Hollywood, and their acting chops more than hold up. Let's dive right in, shall we?

Ah, how idyllic.

As the movie opens, we are treated to a prologue wherein a mother and her teenage daughter argue about the daughter's attitude while driving at night in Romania. The mother swerves to avoid what she thought was a person, and they crash into a pole. They're fine, just shaken, but the minivan has seen better days. When the mother gets out to try fixing the engine somehow, she vanishes from from behind the upraised hood. The daughter, once annoyed by her mother but now worried and frightened, begins to hear sounds. There are whispers, taunting her. Mud collides with a window. The girl tries to phone the police, but is suddenly strangled from behind, although we can't make out who or what it is thanks to the rain.

The next day, we meet French teacher Clementine (Bonamy) as she leaves school for the day and drives home...right past the minivan from the prologue (being hauled off by the police...empty). She lives with her boyfriend Lucas (Cohen) in a really sweet old mansion on the Romanian countryside. Seriously, I wanted that house. It's a nice life: she teaches, and he's a writer. They even sort of have a dog, a stray that wanders by once in a while for food. All they need is a picket fence and they'd be set.

Yeah, not in this flick, babies.

That night, strange things happen. Awakened by her car stereo, Clementine, with Lucas, watches as someone blatantly steals her car. Then come the sounds. Footsteps. Doors opening and shutting. The TV goes on and off. The couple sees things. Flashlights. Fleeting figures. Someone is trying to break into the house, it seems, and they're being frustratingly ninja-like about it. It gets real when a door that Lucas just accidentally broke while swinging at nothing slams shut and puts a good chunk of glass in his leg. He makes it back to the locked bedroom and a waiting, frantic Clementine. All the while, he's glancing back at...what? We, the audience, don't see a thing. But something is there.

Attics are just no good.

Clem and Lucas manage to escape from the bedroom, but only make it to one of the bathrooms (I say "one of" because this house is enormous). From there, Clem figures she can climb into the attic and find a way out. Yeah...um, hey, fellow horror fans, show of hands: do we know how trips to the attic work out in horror movies? That's right. Clem is not alone. Now we're seeing figures. Those feet stalking Clem belong to someone, but who? One of the attackers (we damn well know there are more than one) grabs Clem, but she fights back, causing the person to fall presumably to his or her death. The others, at least three or four of them, don't take kindly to that and step up their pursuit of the couple. They escape into the woods, chased by whooping, strange-noise-making...what? People? Something supernatural? Reaching a fence, Lucas is too injured to go over, so he sends Clem for help. Like the attic, "sending for help" never turns out well for any horror protagonist. Clem is captured and hauled off, but Lucas isn't far behind.

I'll keep it spoiler-free, but from here, we find out more about the attackers. Who they are, or rather what kind of people they are. They aren't who you might think. And even if you guessed semi-right, you're probably still a bit off. That final scene, so innocent and quiet, will still give you the loudest chills because the realization will set in. Even as you read the text which wraps up the story, you'll wonder just why it happened.

A very frantic Clementine...

Some of you will find yourself speculating, "well, I would've kicked some ass." Have you ever felt fear? I mean, real fear? How did you react? Did you puff up your chest, attach a chainsaw to your hand, and quip "Groovy"? Or did you feel nauseous, want to run, want to get away now? Fear does strange things to people. A lucky few can rise up and overcome it, maybe really turn the tables on physical attackers. Most of us will be looking for the nearest escape route, our breath terrifyingly short, the blood drumming in our ears. We'll forget the toughness. We'll just know we have to survive.

This is the second French horror movie in a row that, to me, had outstanding directing and acting going hand-in-hand. It also employed the minimalist approach: few settings, two main actors, and a tension-driven plot. There was relatively little blood in it, so gore fans might be disappointed, but come on...the tension was so solid. We see very little of the antagonists right up until the very last part of the movie, yet we absolutely know they're trouble.

Oh, and the sound. The sound was like another character in the movie. Seriously, when you watch Them, don't just turn out the lights, turn up the volume. Every little creak and step and shuffle is crisp and clean, and that's not even the sudden scary noises.

You know me and my love/fear of underground places.

You know, I still pine for those burgers at Boone's Prime Time Pub (they'll even mix in chopped jalapeños for you), but there have been other burgers almost as delicious that I would recommend to anyone. This burgermovie comes highly recommended from me now. It's quick (74 minutes) and it's tense, topped off with just being well-made.

OK, still hungry. Until next time, lock your doors.

[REC] (2007)

Some spoilers may lace this entry. Taste with caution.

A linear story. A simple location. A loss of control. You can't turn away!

Three very basic ingredients mixed together by writers Jaume Belagaro and Luis Berdejo, and baked by Belagaro and Paco Plaza in the beautiful oven of Barcelona, Spain, to make the delicious dish known as [REC].

Yeah, you see what I did there. Food analogies. I'm going somewhere with this.

The average movie-goer or novice horror might believe - if just for a moment - that [REC] somehow copied an American film called Quarantine. I mean, it's easy to think that, really. Same plot. Nearly the same players. Filmed in the same first-person way. However, Quarantine is a fairly decent remake of our subject. I personally thought Quarantine was pretty good, and I expected [REC] to be slightly better. I felt - and quite happily - that [REC] was not only far superior, but one of the best horror films to grace my DVD player in quite some time. And I've seen some good ones lately.

So how does this horror equivalent of a fine dinner experience unfold? Well, tuck in your napkin and I'll tell you - without spoiling too much, if I can help it.

OK, throughout the entire movie, we see only what Pablo's (Pablo Rosso) camera sees, for this is a television taping. Angela Vidal (the cute-as-a-button Manuela Velasco) hosts a documentary series that covers what happens while the residents of Spain (well, those with normal daytime schedules) are sleeping. Hence the name of the show, "While You Sleep." We never see Pablo's face, but Angela guides us and Pablo through the terrifying events that occur inside the apartment building that provides one of two sets of the movie. The other set is a firehouse, where the movie begins. For this installment of her show, Angela is visiting a local firehouse to see how the firemen cope with overnight life. She visits the cafeteria, plays basketball in the gym, and quietly hopes - trying not to sound morbid - that the firehouse gets a call so they can show the firemen in action.

The call finally comes: a woman is screaming, trapped in her apartment. Angela and Pablo join two of the firemen and policemen in investigating the emergency, and along the way we meet many of the denizens of the old place, all complaining about the noise. They're a cross-section of average Spanish citizens from a variety of backgrounds. Many would say that here is your buffet of cannon fodder. They would not be wrong.

When they get into the apartment, they find the lady, cowering in the dark like a David Lynch character. Can't quite...see her properly. The obviously sick lady becomes Sick - with a capital "S" - when she bites down on one of the policemen and going after the others before she's shot. This routine call just went from tense to strange to downright bloody chaos in a matter of seconds, and it's all caught with Pablo's camera.

What follows is claustrophobic, frustrated terror as everyone inside is quarantined (yeah, see where they got the name for the remake?). The poor cannon fodder tenants are sealed inside with no explanation and faced with death by sniper if they try to escape. There must be some disease here, because people aren't taking the bites very well, and there was already a sick little girl to begin with - flu, they think. This is a movie about disease...what do you think it is? When a health inspector enters to assess the situation, he gets caught up in the bloody, bitey carnage.

It all comes together as to why the authorities are there, how they got there so quick, and the connection to one of the tenants inside. But it's all going to hell, and no one has time to sit around and think about the ins and outs and the whys and hows. People fall left and right, until it's just Angela and Pablo. That quick scene of the stairwell teeming with the infected, all growling and moaning as they sprint up the stairs, is utterly terrifying.

Like a great survival horror video game on speed, our newscasters must find a key to a door under the building. Finding the key was tough enough, but they are soon forced into a penthouse where a man from the Vatican lived. I'm not going to go into the details of this part of the movie. I can only tell you that the clues in the Vatican agent's pitch-dark apartment - think of it: why is someone from a religious powerhouse there? - lead to a chilling implication. Much more chilling than the remake, by far. And did you really think they'd be alone in this apartment?

Yeah.



It's safe to say that I absolutely dug this flick. Insane, fast-paced, and disturbing...all from a first-person perspective. You are there. You can't look away. And really, you shouldn't since this movie is an Awesome Sandwich.

There I go, back to the food analogies again. Those biters outside the safety fence are really carved on my subconscious, I suppose.

Let's see if I can be more consistent with this thing.

Take care, and I'll see you from the chopper.