Babysitter Wanted (2008) Depends On Whose Baby

I was lucky working in college.  The highlight of my employment then was working in a video store (VHS, baby!), with the worst scenario being that some Lothario maybe got pissed because he couldn't impress his date since all of the copies of 9 1/2 Weeks were rented out.  I never had to babysit.  And after watching Babysitter Wanted, I count myself fairly lucky.

It was also that bygone decade, the crazy 80s that all the kids are talking about these days, when I attended my first college.  Long story.  In recent years, I've noticed a trend:  some horror movies are trying to reflect the look and ambiance of the 70s and 80s.  There's been a widespread return to the grindhouse and VHS days of old, and I gotta say that I really like it.  Sure, there are going to be some misses among the hits.  Law of averages.  But many of the recent ones I've seen have been on the "hit" side.

Babysitter Wanted falls on the "hit" side, but it did take me a minute to warm up to it.  Written by Jonas Barnes, and directed by Barnes along with Michael Manasseri, it tells the story of sweet, wholesome Angie (Sarah Thompson) and her first foray into college life.  Angie is devoutly religious and completely innocent of the underbelly of college.  Heading to Adams College (sorry, no nerds seen taking revenge), she moves in with a hard-partying but not unkind roommate and is forced to sleep on the crusty couch, since the previous tenant had sold the bed.  Looking for work, Angie grabs one of those phone number strips advertising a babysitting job.  She secures an interview, but becomes skittish when she realizes someone is following her around campus.  The sheriff (the always-great Bill Moseley) can't do much without more proof, but assures her that he'll come if called.  On the bright side, she meets nice guy Rick (Matt Dallas), whose intentions seem as pure as Angie's own heart.  Angie meets the Stanton couple (Bruce Thomas and Kristen Dalton) and their little tyke, Sam (Kai Caster).  Sam's a shy kid who always wears a cowboy outfit that his parents claim he never takes off.  Once the friendly Stantons leave, that's when the fun begins.  The mysterious figure stalking Angie shows up, and interrupts Sam's meal of meat and sauce to break into the house.

And that's when it takes a left turn I honestly didn't see coming.

Of course, you know I'm not going to spoil it here.  Nothing is what it seems, and Angie is seriously in for the fight of her life as her faith and sense of reality are shaken to the core.

The movie is good fun, filmed in the vein of early- to mid-80s slasher movies with an over-the-top secret.  It looks like something you might find on VHS, and that's a compliment.  I enjoyed how it looked.  The acting is solid throughout, especially by Thompson as Angie.  She plays innocent, scared, and determined all in one, even if she is a slight (intentional) caricature.  Kyle XY alums Dallas and Thomas are also good as well as Dalton as the mother.  I'm a Bill Moseley fan, so obviously I'll say he was good, too.  Oddly enough, he didn't play a villain, but rather a kindly, concerned sheriff.

It was definitely a fun little movie, sure to please the gore fans as well.  There were a lot of bloody shots, and they carefully didn't show what was surely the most wince-inducing "cuts."

So be careful about that babysitting job.  Not everyone can have an adventure like Elizabeth Shue.

Here's the trailer:

Dance Of The Dead (2008) A Hell Of A Night

I remember prom.  It was the 80's, so those proms you see in "homage movies"?  Yeah, that wasn't my school.  That's not to say our prom wasn't bad.  It was fun for the most part.  I dressed in a white tux (that came with a swank cane), took a girl named Julie to dinner, then prom.  Nothing crazy, nothing wild.  Nobody threw up on the dance floor, nobody spiked the punch, and nobody was a reanimated corpse hungering for human flesh.

Yes, that is me.  Now BASK in the glory that was my nerd-before-nerd-was-cool 80's self.  At least the cane was swank.

That's essentially what happens in Ghost House Underground's Dance of the Dead, written by Joe Ballarini and directed by Gregg Bishop.  You've got your teen hormones, rivalries, drama, and a horde of undead firing out of the cemetery like rocks from a catapult.  It's a little movie with a modest budget and no "big-name" stars, but that doesn't take away from it in the slightest.  The cast more than holds their own in creating what is a very good zombie movie with healthy doses of comedy, adventure, and romance to round out the flavor.

In a cemetery near a nuclear power plant, the poor caretaker is apparently the only one that knows the radiation is causing the buried dead to come back to life.  He calmly goes about his day, cleaning headstones, trimming hedges, and making sure the dead stay in their coffins.  Meanwhile in the town of Cooas, the teen population is readying for the prom.  The characters go through an assortment of typical teen pre-prom excitement.  Troublemaker Jimmy (Jared Kusnitz) thinks everything is a joke which causes his sweet, prom committee girlfriend Lindsey (Greyson Chadwick) to dump him in favor of smarmy popular guy Mitch (Jeff Adelman).  Jimmy's buddy Stephen (Chandler Darby) aches over asking out cute cheerleader Gwen (Carissa Capobianco), whose date just canceled on her.  Gwen, although very sweet, has eyes for the high school rock star Nash (Blair Redford).  Thrown in the mix, but playing important parts, are adrenaline junkie/bully Kyle (Justin Welborn of The Signal) and the Sci-Fi club, led by John Heder lookalike Jules (Randy McDowell).  All the characters are in place thanks to some nudge-nudge-wink-wink 80's-style montage action and when the Sci-Fi Club heads to the cemetery for some exploring, the action begins.

The dead come to life and literally explode out of their coffins.  Interestingly, the speed of the undead seems to depend on how long they've been buried.  More ragged zombies move slowly, while "fresher" ones zip along with reckless abandon.  Not all of the Sci-Fi clubs make it, and Mitch - who just tried getting a little too forward with Lindsey - loses his head over the whole zombie-rising situation.  They make it to, of all places, a funeral home and hole up there.  While running from the undead, Jimmy meets up with Kyle - who has a gun - and Gwen, who is oblivious to the zombies as she's out for a run with her iPod.  They escape into the sewers after hearing from Lindsey and make their way to the funeral home.

After a battle in the home in which Kyle is killed, Gwen makes a daring run to retrieve the hearse and the gang escapes.  Running into the wild-eyed, militaristic gym teacher, Coach Keel (Mark Oliver), they load up on weapons and plan to rescue whoever is left at the prom.  They pick up Nash and his band along the way, gaining some important intel:  the zombies are affected by sound waves.  They stop and sway to music which provides a shade of hope to the little group of living rebels.

The school is overrun by the time they get there, so Keel goes through with a plan to blow up the school with all the undead in it.  The Sci-Fi Club and Gwen embark on a rescue mission while Jimmy and Lindsey undertake the mission of retrieving the explosives trigger that the Coach dropped in a bowl of potato chips.  Not everything goes as planned, and not everyone makes it out alive, but the school is destroyed while the dialogue afterwards sets up the possibility of a sequel.

Dance of the Dead really is a fun little movie.  It might not be the greatest zombie movie ever made, but it ranks pretty high on my own list.  The actors are having a blast and there's a definite nod to 80's-style teen comedies running through it.  Each character has a distinct personality and interacts well with the other characters in the story.  No one really clunks through a scene with a counterpart.  The movie moves along quickly and sharply, with the main emphasis being on the fun.  Yes, friends die and yes, the town is overrun by flesh-eating zombies, but as the viewer, relatively safe from the zombie plague in his or her home, is enjoying the ride.  There are some great scenes of comedy, especially when Kyle interacts with the "geeks" or dispatches zombies in his own Jackass-inspired way.  There are some heartfelt moments, such as when Jimmy comes into his own and the final fate of Gwen and Stephen (although you could include laughs and gore with their final scene, too).  Whether or not Dance of the Dead is your bag, take a look and judge for yourself.  Personally, I did have fun both times I've seen it, and I'd see it again.

Next time you have a rough night out or lament having a "lame" prom when you were younger, just be glad there wasn't a zombie apocalypse in progress.

Or was there?

Now go on, enjoy the trailer:

I Sell The Dead (2008) Yay, A Fun Movie!

A lot of the movies I love have a unique energy about them. Shaun of the Dead is easily one of my favorites. Braindead or Dead Alive, whichever title you prefer, is another. Movies like those bristle with a kind of unbridled glee that makes every action, every camera angle crackle with that same energy. It makes the movie-viewing experience so much more fun. You see the carnival ride and you know it's going to make you smile, and if it's done right, you do.

I Sell The Dead is one of those great carnival rides. I saw the preview some weeks ago, and immediately put it in the Netflix queue. It's written and directed with great flair by Glenn McQuade and it looks absolutely gorgeous. As for star power, feast your eyes on this little list: Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman, and Angus Scrimm. That's right. Angus Freakin' Scrimm. That right there was enough to sell me on it on top of Charlie Pace and Hellboy.



The movie begins with the beheading of a grimy fellow named Willy Grimes (the vastly underrated Larry Fessenden). He's defiant right down to the end as the blade makes a nice clean cut. After the titles, we meet young Arthur Blake (Monghan), locked away in a cell and visited by a record-taking friar, Father Duffy (Perlman). Duffy wants the whole story of the murders of which Willy and Arthur are presumed guilty. Arthur then tells the tale of how he and Willy met while grave robbing for the mean old Dr. Quint (Scrimm).



Willy takes Arthur under his wing and helps the young boy develop into a grown ghoul. They hate working for Quint, who constantly threatens them and barely pays them at all. One grave robbing turns up an undead creature who attacks them when a stake is removed from its heart. The boys finally see a way out by delivering the creature to Quint, who removes the stake at his own peril. At last, Willy and Arthur are in business for themselves, taking on the undead jobs no one else will take. No one, that is, except the evil House of Murphy, a rival gang of ghouls.


The House of Murphy tries to recruit Arthur at one point after a botched grave robbing (watching how it's botched is a great WTF moment), but he refuses. Before long, the guys take on an apprentice, Fanny Bryers (Brenda Cooney), who shares a bed with Arthur. Can you say "Yoko"? Yep, Arthur's smitten, but Willy's not too fond of her. She's anxious to prove herself, and an opportunity arises when a delivery of undead washes up on the shore of a nearby island. Fanny insists they race the House of Murphy to retrieve the creatures. Willy's not happy about it, but he goes along.

The House of Murphy

When they arrive, all hell breaks loose. Turns out the undead are pretty spry, almost lizard-like. The House of Murphy gets the best of our heroes, but it's not for long. The House of Murphy ends up dead, which is the whole reason Willy and Arthur have been sentenced to death. To say that the movie winds up here is a gross understatement. There are a couple more twists to witness, one a good surprise and the other a funnier one.

The more I thought about this movie after I watched it, the more I liked it. It's got an old-school spirit mixed with a modern filmmaking sensibility. Monaghan and Fessenden are outstanding and have undeniable chemistry as two very different friends who just should never be apart. The movie looks amazing, a perfect mesh of colors and lighting. Some things that happen in the script are so out there, scenes that have you chuckling and shrugging your shoulders. But really, that's the fun of it. It's got unbridled charm and energy, with a knowing nod and wink to the ghoulish films of yesteryear. A love letter to the Saturday afternoon classic horror matinees, it's one you'll want to read over and over.

And in the spirit of the type of movie I Sell The Dead pays homage to, check out these great posters:




So, enjoy, fellow survivors. This one will soon be gracing my DVD shelf.

Now with our undead moaning at the gates, let's not try what we see in this movie at home. Let shuffling undead...shuffle. Take care, you all, and we'll see you next time...

The House Of The Devil (2009) Never Trust Francis Dollarhyde

I remember being a young boy in the wilds of Michigan, well before the dead started rising, and hanging out at my friend Bill's house. Back then, HBO was relatively new and they would show just about anything. One of the movies I remember seeing was the cheesy horror flick The House Where Evil Dwells. It was distinctly early-80's in everything from plot to cinematography to the general look. It was rated R, and we were like nerdy rebels, staying up late to watch the gore and the sex and the ghosts. It was an easy time in my life. I like being made to remember easier times in my life, and 2009's throwback The House Of The Devil, while not mind-blowing, pleasantly brought me back to those times.

The House Of The Devil is written and directed by Ti West, and it's safe to say it's a love letter to the low-budget horror offerings of the late 70's-early 80's that didn't pander to the major studios. Back then, it was "here's a plot, let's do a movie" and there was a certain risky charm to that method. The horror films always seemed to be filmed during a perpetual autumn - at least it seemed that way to me. That seemed to give it a shadowy feel, but with the feeling that the air in that fictional town or wherever it took place had a crispness to it. The House Of The Devil scored big with me for that feel.



The movie opens with some foreboding text about unexplained disappearances and Satanic rituals, and we're pretty much told things might not be all that sunny for those involved. A pretty young girl, Samantha (Jocelin Donahue), falls in love with a house but still needs money for the rent, despite being given a break on the price by the landlord (a nice cameo by Dee Wallace). As she walks off with the hope of a new place, there's a title card of the movie in a freeze frame, and we all know I'm a fan of those. And she's wearing a Walkman. Not the slim, barely-there kinds we have now. I'm talking the enormous boxes like the first one I ever had, blasting Asia and Scorpions in my young ears.

Samantha goes ahead with a phone call to a babysitting job for the Ullman Family. Mr. Ullman (Tom Noonan) tells her they'll meet on the university campus, but he never shows. Later, as we're given more clues that an eclipse will soon occur - always a must when a movie deals with dark forces - Samantha talks about her money problems with her friend Megan (Greta Gerwin), who offers to call her father for money. Samantha's just at the end of her rope as she cries in the dorm bathroom.



Later, Mr. Ullman leaves a message for Samantha, and she returns the call. He apologizes profusely and arranges for the babysitting assignment to start immediately that night. Samantha agrees and Megan drives her out to the Ullman's house, a big, old place in the middle of nowhere. Mr. Ullman greets them at the door, and imagine my happiness to see reliable portrayer of soft-spoken creeps, Tom Noonan, playing the part. I can never forget him as Francis Dollarhyde a.k.a. The Tooth Fairy in Manhunter.

Tom Noonan as Mr. Ullman (above) and as Francis Dollarhyde aka The Tooth Fairy in 1986's Manhunter (right)

Mr. Ullman appears urgent and somewhat exacting, along with having an almost regretful air about him. While Megan entertains herself in the other room, Mr. Ullman explains that the babysitting job isn't for a child, but for his wife's mother, who's bedridden in an upstairs bedroom. Samantha is apprehensive, so Mr. Ullman ups the pay and Samantha accepts. Megan is pissed - this is all too weird for her. Samantha defends her decision since she needs the money. Still angry and worried, Megan leaves Samantha to her task.

Megan travels down the driveway, trying to light a cigarette. A strange man, who we come to know as Victor Ullman (A. J. Bowen), offers to light it for her, scaring her. When he asks if she's the babysitter, and she replies that she's not, he shoots her face off - literally - before taking her car.



Back inside, Samantha meets Mrs. Ullman (Mary Woronov), whose every line oozes with uncomfortable relish. The Ullmans finally leave, and give Samantha some cash and a number for a nearby pizza place. Alone, except for the shut-in figure upstairs, Samantha explores the house, giving us some quite exquisite shots of a lonely girl with no idea of the looming danger that we, the viewers, barely recognize at this point.

After dancing around to The Fixx, Samantha breaks a vase and cleans it up, finding photos of a family that is decidedly not the Ullmans standing by the car the Ullmans just drove off in, and in front of the house itself. Victor arrives as a pizza delivery guy shortly thereafter with the pizza that Samantha ordered. At this point, you may want to scream to Samantha not to eat the pizza. She won't hear you.

Getting spooked and hearing strange sounds, Samantha tries to explore further into the house, barely missing the room where the family in the picture is sprawled out, brutally murdered. The pizza turns out to be drugged, and Samantha starts losing grip on her consciousness, but not before seeing a strange hand emerge from the attic.

When she wakes up, it's not in a comfy bed in her new apartment. She's tied to a slab, satanic symbols everywhere. The Ullmans enter, dressed in robes. They're followed by a wizened, ugly little thing that I can only describe as a demonic...uh, demon. Said demon paints symbols on Samantha's belly with blood, then tries to get her to drink from the skull of some strange animal. Let your imagination run wild with what kind of animal, because it may not be from the mortal plane.




Samantha breaks loose and escapes upstairs after giving Victor slight vision problems. Lucio Fulci would have been honored. She makes it into the kitchen, tripping over Megan's faceless body. Armed with a knife, she manages to cut Victor's throat before Mrs. Ullman catches up with her in a bedroom. Samantha gets away from the crazy woman by stabbing her in the back while she admires the lunar eclipse. Among flashes of a severe tummy ache and leering demonic faces, she runs out of the house, with Mr. Ullman not far behind. He pursues her to a cemetery, telling her that Satan will arrive when the eclipse ends. With no choice in her mind as she figures it out, Samantha fires a bullet into her own head.

But it ain't over, folks. Samantha wakes up in a hospital to a nurse's "comforting" words that she and the baby will make a full recovery.

That right there provides enough creep factor for your evening. The movie ends, but we know the story doesn't. In fact, if this is a parallel world, I don't want to go there, thank you very much. Has that kind of Prince of Darkness-ish sense of "something's coming and you can't do anything about it."

Like I said, I wasn't blown out of the water by House of the Devil, but that's not to say I didn't like it. The atmosphere, the slow burn sense of danger, and the cinematography were stellar. It truly was a throwback to the old low-budget who-cares-how-wild-this-plot-is movies made in the early 80's. We don't see a lot of the carnage that has happened (the Ullmans disposing of and replacing the family who really lived in the house) and that is about to happen (hello, the girl has a Satan in her belly). Like many great forms of entertainment, our minds fill in the blanks. Performances that stick out to me are Jocelin Donahue playing a cute, truly innocent Samantha and the awesome Tom Noonan as Mr. Ullman.

And what our minds are capable of is quite terrifying.

So, see it, judge for yourself. Me, I'll be that chopper flying overhead. Leave a sign outside your house if you need rescuing...unless you're the Ullmans.